Have you given much thought to how your life and focus can suddenly change on a dime? Here I was all set for a great New Year business and personal wise when one phone call changed it all and stopped me dead in my tracks.
Just after Boxing we lost our phone and internet connection. The internet had been going on and off like crazy and then suddenly went dead. It took about two days to get the phone service back and another day or two for the internet to start working. Apparently mice had decided to have a Christmas feast on the outside wires and chewed through all the wires.
Once back online I had an urgent message to connect with my brother Richard over in the U.K. I had briefly talked with him before the holidays when he told me that his wife Sheena had been sick and in the hospital with a liver infection, but that she was back home.
Of course you start worrying and then I couldn’t find his phone number and his email bounced back. He wasn’t answering any Facebook messages either. My other brother Chris had just been posted to Italy with the RAF and I didn’t have his current contact info.
All of this doesn’t help so you basically just have to wait and hope that no news is good news.
New Year’s day arrived and Chris called me, he said he might so wasn’t too surprised at first. He then delivered the bad news that Sheena had lost her fight with the liver infection, it had spread to her other organs and there was absolutely nothing that could be done for her.
This is when you feel terrible about being so far away. You want to rush to be with them all and it just isn’t possible. I just can’t describe the feelings you go through as of course you are devastated and sorry for her, and worry about how your brother is going to manage.
When I lost my mom it was a little different as she had cancer and was in a ton of pain. I made it to England and managed to see her for one day before she lost her fight. But then you were almost relieved that she was not in that awful pain anymore.
This was more sudden and tragic in a way. My brother is only 54 and Sheena was a few years older than him. I think that it hits home more because my husband and I are in that age group too and I can’t imagine losing him.
It’s strange too how your emotions can play havoc on your body. While you sob your heart out for sure, your stomach and nerves also do a number on you. I ended up being physically sick for a good day and couldn’t eat or sleep.
Then of course you start wishing about all the things you should have done. I haven’t been to the U.K. in over 20 years, and that was to say goodbye to my mom. Since then we were busy raising our kids and taking a vacation to the U.K. didn’t really enter our minds. It wasn’t a trip I wanted to do without my family and taking a family of 4 there is not cheap at all.
The last time I saw Richard and Sheena was about 8 or 9 years ago when they visited us here in Canada. The last time just after we moved into this house. They led their lives and we led ours and we didn’t keep in touch as much as we should have.
Looking back I guess you can’t have regrets and doubts. I am extremely happy with my life in Canada and wouldn’t change it for anything. Do I regret not being in England? Sometimes I do, and I sit and wonder what life would have been like if I had stayed.
I fly into the U.K. next weekend, just in time for the funeral. Then get to spend some time with Richard. Chris will be there for a few days as well. It will be strange as I am sure a lot of things have changed. I am now officially more Canadian than I ever was British, even though I still hold dual nationality.
I wish that circumstances were different as I would have loved to hook up with some of my wonderful internet friends that are in the U.K for sure. Hopefully another time.
So while my plans for this year are still in place, there have just been pushed back a little. Once I return from my visit I will finish up my PLR challenge and start cranking out new content.
Life really is precious so don’t put off reaching your goals and living the life you want to if at all possible.